When I arrived home, I hugged and kissed Marie. I told her that I was sorry for ignoring her and that we would spend the rest of our lives together. I connected my phone to the house speakers, put “Perfect” on, and gave her the roses, chocolates, and champagne. I then took her hand and proposed to her in the same exact manner that I had done exactly ten years ago. I told her that I had been ignorant and spiritually divorced from her and that I would now be more like the man she had married ten years ago. She simply stated, “I do.” There were tears in my eyes; everything was working out so well. Thank you, Grimly, I thought. Thank you. When I asked Marie to dance, she agreed. We began dancing, but “Perfect” was already over, and the next song had begun; “Sugar” by Maroon 5. When I stopped dancing to replay “Perfect,” she looked at me with a cold perplexity and asked, “Why did you replay the first song, I kind of like this song better.”

“How could you like this song better? This isn’t our song!”

“What do you mean by our song, Henry?”

“Are you playing with a full deck Marie? How can you not know the significance of that song?”

“I really mean it; I don’t know.”

“Marie, for Christ’s sake! I just proposed to you! You know, the champagne, the chocolates, the roses?”

“Sorry, Henry. Maybe I’m losing my mind.”

“Are you sure you even have one? I can’t believe this! Look at me! Remember, I’m Henry. Yes. Yes. Henry. Henry Lanier. I’m your husband. We once got married, remember? We danced in front of a lot of people on our Wedding Night, you know…”

“So?”

“So! Christ! Were you born stupid, Marie? Or did you study to get this way? You must be getting prematurely senile, just like your mother! I can’t believe it! Before you know it, you’re going to gain those extra pounds and bingo! It’ll be just like living with my mother-in-law! You know, this really pisses me off! Here I am, trying to be romantic, and you don’t even remember our Wedding Song! I just gave away thirty percent of my salary for life, and look what I get in return! I really thought Grimly’s genius was going to change everything. I thought by getting that clone; it would mend our relationship. It could be like it used to be—the good old days. When we were young and stupid, it was better then. I realized my mistake. I want to mend our relationship. Boy, did I have a great story to tell you! The clones, Mr. Grimly, Max. But you really ruined everything; I’m heading to bed. We’ll resolve this in the morning. You changed so much, Marie, and I haven’t even noticed. Goodnight.”

“Wait! I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad. It’s my fault for forgetting.”

“Okay, okay, I guess I was overreacting again. Do you have any warm milk in the kitchen? It helps me relax, and we need to talk.”

“You never drank warm milk before, Henry. Not even cold milk. I’ll get some next time I go to the supermarket.”

“How about some espresso, Marie? That might work. Do we have any?”

“We should. Let’s go to the kitchen and make some.”

“It’s a shame I don’t get to use that machine more often. That was one nice Christmas gift.”

“Yes, it was. Can you make me a cup too, dear?”

“When did you start drinking espresso?”

“Ever since we were given the machine as a Christmas present.”

“Yea, Marie? And who gave us the machine?”

“Ah. The name just slipped my mind. Do you remember?”

“I remember it as if it was yesterday.”

“So, who gave it to us?”

“Marie, you gave it to me! How could you forget a simple thing like that? I’m worried about you. We should take a trip to the doctor first thing tomorrow.”

“I really don’t think it’s necessary. I’m just tired. I’m not me today.”

“Have another cup of espresso with me, Marie; it’ll wake you up!”

(That’s funny. He never drinks a second cup of espresso when I prepare it for him).

“Since when do you drink two cups, Henry? You know all that caffeine can get to you…”

“Ah. Come on! Pour me some more. As a matter of fact, fill it to the rim! I could use a double. Tomorrow I’ll switch to Decaff. I promise.

“Marie, quick, tell me the names of the last three presidents.”

“Biden, Trump and Obama.”

“The first three.”

“Washington, Adams, and Jefferson.”

“Okay, okay, those were easy. How about the names of the original 13 states?”

“No problem. New York, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Delaware, Maryland, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, and Georgia.”

“Pretty good, but for a history teacher, that’s still too easy a question. I got it. Name the 43rd, 36th, and 39th states admitted into the U.S.”

“Idaho, Nevada, and North Dakota. And the dates of each were July 3rd, 1890, October 31st, 1864, and November 2nd, 1889.”

“Wow. Pretty impressive for a 7th-grade American history teacher that’s losing her mind!”

“Well. I know my stuff.”

“Okay, What’s my mother’s maiden name?”

“Gee. I forgot.”

“Got you. By the way, what was your mother’s maiden name? I’ve seemed to have forgotten too.”

“Ah. Ah. Anderson, Henry. It was Anderson.”

“No, it wasn’t Anderson. It was Peterson, that’s it! How could you screw up your own mother’s name?”

“I don’t know. I guess I wasn’t thinking.”

“You sure are acting weird. You remember American History inside and out, yet you can’t remember events that happened so little time ago. Do you remember where we first met?”

“I’m really tired. Can we continue this in the morning?”

“No! Now, answer the question.”

“I don’t recall.”

“You don’t! Where did we go on our first anniversary?”

“Hawaii?”

“Hawaii! No! Paris! Don’t you remember? You always talked about Paris and how you wanted to go there again. How can it be that you don’t know these things? You remember history and know nothing about our personal life! You sound just like my clone!”

“Now, why would you say something like that?”

“That’s it! You’re a clone! No! Lord! Why is this happening to me?”  

“Don’t be crazy! I’m me, not some clone!”

“Then explain why you can’t remember anything! You! You are the reason why Marie suddenly became so understanding! Marie wasn’t; you took her place! I see it so clearly now. She left me on our last anniversary and gave me you as a farewell present!”

“No. That’s not true! You’re going crazy, Henry! I’m me! Marie!”

I ran up the stairs and raced to my room. I ripped open the closet door and punched the numbers into my safe. My gun safe. I took out my rarely used hunting rifle, which was slowly collecting dust. I grabbed a few bullets and loaded the rifle. I had to kill the clone. With the rifle in hand, I ran out of my room and darted down the stairs and into the kitchen. The clone was weeping, sitting curled up in a chair.

“Henry! Please! It’s me! Don’t shoot! You’re overreacting!”

Could it be? I did just have two cups of espresso, and caffeine does make me uptight.

“Alright! One last chance to save yourself! Why did I go upstate last September with Bill, Frank, and Jeff?”

“To relax?”

“Hell no! We went deer hunting! And today, you get to be the deer!”

“No!”

She ran into the next room as agile as any deer I’d ever seen. I took aim and fired. Bang! I got her on the first try, right in the shin. I stood over her. She was still alive, on the floor, still crying. I had to see if she really was a clone, so I placed the barrel of my rifle on her head and fired. Her head blew to pieces. Then, to my satisfaction, a tiny electrical circuit came flying out, followed by numerous sparks. There were no more doubts left in my mind. She was a clone. I picked up the circuit and threw it across the room. 

I suddenly felt betrayed by Marie. I sat for a moment and wept, thinking about it all. What could I have done to have prevented this? Why was I so ignorant and unloving to her? I thought of everything I’d ever done since the day we got married. I just sat there. It felt like an eternity. Then suddenly, I heard a noise that startled me. The doors were being pounded; it was the police and their battering rams. I looked across the room and noticed that my curtains were wide open and several police cars were parked outside my house. I grabbed my rifle and began to run to my back porch when a policeman shouted through a megaphone at ear-piercing volume.

“Drop your weapon. You are under arrest.”

“I’m innocent. She’s not a person; she’s an automated clone!”

“Okay, okay, Just drop your weapon. We’ll help you.”

“You don’t believe me. I’m innocent!”

  I realized that they were never going to believe my story. And I realized that I had no proof. I was going to prison for the rest of my life.

“Sir. Just drop your weapon.”

“No! I don’t want to be locked up!”

Succumbed by desperation, I shot aimlessly at the police, trying to escape my jail time. Soon, however, the police retaliated and shot back. Then, suddenly everything turned pitch black, and I fell into a deep sleep.

I later awoke in a room with the face of Grimly staring over me.

“Where am I, and what are you doing here?”

Grimly responded, “You died, sir. You tried to resist arrest and were shot by an officer. Here’s a copy of today’s paper. Sorry you didn’t make the headlines, but page six isn’t that bad.”

I quickly took the paper and turned to page six. It was an article about my murder. The article was inaccurate as it stated that two unknown people were killed in the Lanier home by gunshot. I further read in deep concern, “Because of the excessive damage to the facial regions of the victims, the bodies could not be identified. The male was seen by witnesses who claimed he was a Henry Lanier imposter. The real Lanier was contacted early this morning, who was working in the offices of J.D. Owens Bank. His wife, Marie Lanier, has also contacted the police. She was believed to be staying at a friend’s house for the evening and was shocked when told of the break-in.”

In disgust, I threw down the paper and said, “I’d be damned! If I’m dead, then what the hell are you doing here!”

“For heaven’s sake, don’t swear! I’m dead too, sir. Have been for two weeks, since August 9th. You see, that emporium you went to that night was not ordinary. It serves as a crossroad between life and the afterlife. I was a man of sin and was doomed for hell, but I was granted a reprieve. If I could perform a good deed, I would then be allowed to proceed to Purgatory and repent for my sins there. It has saved my soul and allowed me to go to Purgatory, but once you got together with your wife, my mission was not complete. I learned earlier this morning that my real mission also included finding another soul to replace mine in hell. This was not my objective. However, that was what happened. And it did not happen by chance. There is some sort of system setup, which I no00w understand. By completing my assignment, I have performed a  good deed by trying to help you, but in fact, I have hindered you. In this way, I have done good and bad, even though the bad was done unintentionally. Therefore, I may be redeemed, and my soul is replaced. But by this, the natural balance is not disturbed. I have taken a great risk by telling you this, and I now must go to a more neutral zone for my safety, Purgatory. I urge you to make the most of the shop and computer, and soon you too will be allowed to go. Here’s my white jacket and top hat to remember me by. Good luck!”

“Wait a second! What did I do to deserve this?”

“Well, I won’t be needing the jacket and hat for where I’m going, and you seem like a nice guy…”

“No, no! Not that! I mean, how was a nice guy like me so bad to be put in this mess!”

“Oh, that. Well. You ignored your wife, killed her clone, who may have actually been your wife, tried to kill a cop, tried to kill me with a razor, and most of all, you killed part of yourself when you bought the clone!”

“Gee. You sure know how to make a nice guy feel bad.”

“Please don’t hold anything against me; the computer assigned your soul to me. I don’t like what’s been going on here either, but you can’t beat the system. No hard feelings, okay. I went through the same thing. I know how you feel. As a matter of fact, the last guy here messed up not only my life but yours as well. I just found out that as well. He sold your wife the clone on August 23rd. I hope you learned something from this experience; I really do.”

“I did. I’ve figured it all out. Realized it all. I was foolish. It’s gonna take a while for all this to sink in.”

“I’m sure it won’t take that long, only took me a good five minutes. But thank you for realizing. You just saved me a few years of repentance. Use the computer and the emporium to its fullest, and you’ll get out, don’t worry. The equipment here really is out of this world. And make sure to keep the clones in check. If any of them escape, it will cost you your soul. And by the way, don’t try running away yourself. The second you walk out of this shop, you’d lose your soul. And most of all, no matter what. Don’t mess with the Joe Biden files on the computer. The secret service are taking care of him themselves on sublevel nine. So don’t go there if you want to avoid them.”

“Why do you have files on the President?”

“You mean you don’t know? I thought it would be obvious to

you by now. This is gonna kill you.”

“I thought I died yesterday.”

“You did. It’s just an expression! Geez! Anyway. Biden is a clone!”    

“What!”

“Yea. It’s true! One of our first clients. It’s all documented on the computer. See, he was dying of hyperlipidemia. He was going to get a heart attack sooner or later. And the people who “run the government” didn’t want to see Trump takeover. See, Biden was just a leader. Didn’t know what he was doing, but it didn’t matter. He was just a figurehead; the “other guys” ran the country for him. With Trump, these guys would lose their power since he really wants to run the country. Old Biden just wanted to sleep and didn’t want much to do with politics anyway. So while on his deathbed, the secret service came rushing to the shop and requested our services. They were performed and went very well. The only problem was that Biden had a terrible memory and could not tell us any of his personal experiences with us. His clone, as a result, knows nothing of Biden’s personal actions. Everyone on the inside thought for sure that Biden was a goner. Trump was probably getting his things to move back to the White House when early the next morning, out of nowhere, Biden came back from the dead in the form of a clone!”

“I can’t believe it! Our country has been run by a clone?”

“Of course not. Biden didn’t run the country much, to begin with. Now his clone is saying the fancy speeches that someone else writes instead of him. And may I add that clones are very good memorizers. We did have to program him with some speech and memory problems as it would be far too obvious without them.”

“Yeah, that definitely would cause a stirrup.”

That’s why he’s become a lame-duck president. Some days they don’t even bother turning him on. That’s why he’s always sleeping. Just remember, the next time you hear Biden say, “I don’t know or remember,” he’s being sincere and honest. He really doesn’t know or remember. I’m afraid to say that the U.S. economy is headed down because of this. Any day now, the stock market is going to crash, and before long, the dollar’s value will be minimal. This morning, since it is my last day here, I was given access to the future files. I know I shouldn’t be telling you this, but America is heading for a disaster. After our economy goes, the Third World War starts, and our great planet Earth is gonna be a mess. Soon afterward, everyone will die. No survivors. Judgement Day is gonna happen on April 1st. All because of one stupid clone who happens to be our President.”

“No! It can’t be!”

“Don’t worry so much! You’re dead anyway. Relax. You got plenty of time to find a soul. Just make sure you don’t procrastinate too long. Cause on Judgement Day, there’s gonna be some long lines.”

“How can you take this so well?”

“Well, I did find out this morning, so it’s had time to settle in. Anyway, I kind of like the idea. I know I’ve only been dead

for two weeks, but I already miss my friends and family. April 1st, we’ll all be reunited! Just think of the positive and not the negative. That’s the key. There’s nothing we can do about it anyway. So calm down; I’ve got a warm pitcher of milk in the other room. Grab a glass and take it easy, okay?”

“Fine, but I got one more question for you.”

“You know how scientists say that dinosaurs lived millions of years ago and stuff? But the Bible says that the world is only a couple thousand years old. Which one is actually true?

“Well, the Bible is the correct one. Dinosaurs were a creation made in Hollywood to make some money. They actually never existed. The world is only a couple thousand years old.”

With that note, I took his jacket and hat and proceeded towards the red door he pointed to.

“Goodbye! My time has come to leave.”

Suddenly Grimly began to fade away as if he was a ghost.

   “Wow! This is totally awesome! See you! And good lu…c…k!”

   He just vanished right in front of my eyes! I turned and entered the red door. As I closed it, I realized that I was back in the emporium and had just been in the room marked “Employees Only.” I found the key to the green door and a manual, along with a disk, next to the computer in the adjacent room. I poured a glass of milk and sat in front of the main terminal. It greeted me with a message on its screen.

“IF YOU NEED ASSISTANCE, JUST ASK, AND I WILL BE OF SERVICE.”

I asked for my instructions, and it replied, “YOU MUST FIND A SINFUL PERSON TO REPLACE YOUR SOUL. THERE IS NO USE IN DECEIVING YOU. I KNOW OF YOUR CONVERSATION.”

I then asked, “What about my performing a good deed?”

It replied, “BY GETTING ME THE ASSIGNED SOUL, YOU WILL BE DOING ENOUGH GOOD.”

I then asked, “Who is my assigned person?”

“ENTER A RANDOM NUMBER BETWEEN 1 AND 100 MILLION.”

I entered the number 34,213,021.

“PLEASE WAIT. I AM FINDING YOUR ASSIGNED PERSON…”

I took a sip of my milk and glanced up at the screen. When I did, my heart thumped. I couldn’t believe what I saw. Mixed emotions began to arise. I was filled with both love and hatred. Perhaps it was a test of my guilt or even my innocence, or maybe it was just pure chance. I could not tell. All I knew was that I was in shock and sat in front of the computer dumbfounded, staring at the name on the screen.

It read, “MARIE LANIER.”

As I sat there, tranced, a noise startled me.